Feeling The Divine

4/26/11

Spring

Spring is here and I feel a little behind. I feel more like winter, a time of germination under the frozen earth, a time of dead things from which, undoubtedly, new things spring. But on my walks I take great solace from the profusion of bursting cherry blossoms and tulips in glowing hues of reds and yellows and purples .

News

Sunday I started a practice run for video blogging. If it goes well and I get a little more comfortable I’ll start posting video blogs.

Still Recovering

I feel I am having a hard time gathering focus (writing challenges, platform building challenges, how to balance it all). The workshop triggered so many negative neural networks. While I was there, I kept to my commitment to stay present and find the "gold." Alas, I didn't find it. It only caused me pain as my "illusions" (my sense of being divinely guided) collided with publishing "reality," (what it takes to sell) which, as crises are wont to do, might lead to gold :)

Disconnected from the divine

The more time goes by, the more it sinks in how awful an experience it was. What it led to in me is a sense of disconnection from the divine, from my sense of being God manifested as India. I haven't yet understood why this happened and I'm recovering the sense of divinity slowly. This rediscovery is not helped by the fact that we are going through foreclosure and have to move, and all that entails. (Full plate.)

Cultivating an attitude of “all is well”

In my video trial runs I am discussing the cultivation of an attitude of all is well. Each of the last three days in which I committed to doing so myself, I have felt a little better, a little more myself.

Feeling the Divine

I’m so used to getting my strength and confidence from my spirituality. And now that I feel so disconnected, I am suffering quite a bit. But that does not change my fundamental belief that, indeed, all is well. I just can’t feel it because it’s drowned out by my anxieties over all I have to manage and some other much subtler factors that I'm still discovering.
I feel it’s a process and each day gets better. It’s good for me to have this experience of not quite feeling life’s divinity. I know that this is true for a lot of people and my experience can only help me to become more insightful and helpful in the long run. This experience also shows me the unbelievably powerful effect feeling my divinity has. I'm pretty wowed by it right now. When I feel this way, when I feel like everything is God and holy, I take that utterly for granted, like it's a thing that is present in my life because it's so obvious. Perhaps this is a good time to develop gratitude toward this amazing way of being in life.